by lincolnshirepeasant

Dear Internet,

Before I continue with this blog, I should perhaps warn you that it is a strongly held personal belief of mine that stereotyping is a necessary and even acceptable part of the english language, which can be used to bring the most colourful characters to life. These days, it is very easy to be shot down in flames and to be labelled a racist if you refuse to conform to political correctness. And I rejoice at this increased emphasis on racial cohesion, and eagerly await the day in which race is nothing more than an attribute. However, I still feel that political correctness is the wrong way to go about this. It makes life plain and tedious, and every step must be considered as if on a tight-rope, to avoid offending this or that minority. Political correctness builds barriers between cultures; people are afraid to cause offence and so avoid each other: their relationship is polite but cold and insubstantial.

Think of your friends. True friends are happy to tease and mock each other, because they know that such things are meant in fun and that no harm is intended. This is the sort of racism which I engage in, a gentle teasing which should bring us closer together rather than sow hatred. And it does! I am friends with an indian, an egyptian muslim, and a chinese person, and I have no qualms about using stereotypes to their faces, nor do they have objections.

This treatment is fair; no stereotypable group is left unturned, including those which I belong to. I am no hypocrite, so here is a list of words and phrases that you can apply to me if you wish:

Hormonal teenage vagabond. Nerd. Country bumpkin. Lazy male pig. Geek. Loner. Four-eyes. Pig nose. Pretentious fool. Thunder thighs. British tea drinking scum. Mudblood. Whatever.

You get the idea, I hope, and so will not take offence if, for instance, I call a Jew “dark and evil”, or an Irishmen a “jolly dancing leprachaun”. If you do take offence then you have my apologies, and you need not ever return to this page again.

Have a pleasant evening.